Cassandra Buck

Artist/Painter

Interview # 1  

Mixed Media on Wood  

2015

“My next question is how do you see yourself”

“Well there you go i'm a pussy cat um I think something I have thought about a lot since I have matured as an artists has been um you know the relationship between vulnerability and strength. I think that when you express vulnerability it flips into strength and that I think that sort of like people perceiving me as being this very strong person and a lot of that I think is because I'm willing to be vulnerable and I put myself out there and so that maybe that's sort of … maybe that's related to yin yang which is something that has always been important to me.  You know that idea of the opposites you know this sort of all my tattoos deal with this duality that sort of rotation. So I think that I see myself as being a lot more of a vulnerable individual than most people perceive me as because I allow… I let it go and it sort of flips over. That was a hard question too.”

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Interview # 2

Mixed Media on Canvas

2015

“How do you think your world, the people you are surrounded with, how do you think they view you?”

“I think people …. so I have just a little background I have a lot of new people on my team and they are really young they are like a lot of them are women so they are early 20 something that are just starting in their careers and when they first started on my team after I hired them they would come into my office and say things like….. “you’re my role model” or like “I don’t know how you do all of this” and I think people think that I have it all together  when in reality most of the time I feel like I’m either faking it or like totally being a fraud because I don’t have it together because I feel like my house is a huge mess I can’t meals together every day and some days my kids are sick so I’m not going to get the projects at work done in a timely manner the way I want to. I think people think that I have it together and I really don’t.”

“Yeah you know I feel like I’m just doing the best that I can every day and you know and to be honest I feel like I’m actually not...I’m just keeping my head above water.”

 

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Interview # 3

Mixed Media on Wood

2015

“How do you think the world views you?”


“I feel like my family may view me that way even though my moms love for me is very true but I didn't really do all the things in the order that your suppose to do it and keep it all together and then you're in that strong independent women's group i think…. I’ve heard from ladies on there that i’m strong that i'm inspiring them because I do things the way that I want to do them to a certain extent and I think I come across to people like i'm really confident in myself and what i'm doing with my life and i'm afraid everyone has been fooled. Women have said that I  have inspired them to be stronger I believe these women when they say it but I just can't see it.”

 

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Interview # 4 

Mixed Media on Canvas

2015

“How do you think outsiders view you?”

“I think a lot of people view me as so confidant, so capable at things that no matter what happens I’m gonna get through it no problem you know I find that to be an interesting perspective because sometimes you need a little help you know you need to be able to be not good at something and to struggle with something and having this surgery pretty much housebound and on the sofa for 9 days sometimes I’m amazed that people I barely know are worried about me people at the gym for example but my own sister hasn’t bothered to call me once.

Because she is so convinced that I’m going to be fine just get through this just like everything else and conquer it with flying colors and come out better than ever that’s interesting I think that women that are achievers….. is it because we don’t allow ourselves to be weak or is it because society doesn’t want to see us weak were not allowed to look vulnerable…….

of course on the flip side I spend a lot of time to trying to avoid looking vulnerable it's built into my dna type a woman.

I don’t know there’s probably two camps one camp that says p can do a lot of things and she does things well she always puts her best effort into everything and she and has managed to achieve in multiple arenas professionally personally creatively and there’s another camp that says she needs to slow down she bites off more than she can chew she spreads herself too thin…. does things at the expense of her own health or at the expense of spending time with her children so that’s where judgement is.”

 

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Interview # 5 

Mixed Media on Canvas

2015

“How do you see yourself?”

“I view myself as somebody just starting out and getting on their feet. Just getting to know themselves kind of I don't know. I view myself as somebody who wants to help people. Just figuring out she is. Just starting to figure out what she wants to do.”

“So you’re just starting out? You’re 19 right?”
“Yes”

 

Interview # 6

Mixed Media on Canvas

2015

“How do you see yourself?”

“Holy shit”

“yea its big”

“I leave work I go home and I'm a mom and I do laundry I do whatever it is that I need to do to fulfill that role and then I have my separate life as an artist which for a long time I really didn't have that life because I put it on hold to be a mom for many years which I still am thats the other individual that I am and Now that I have access to being part of the artist life that's a whole other individual that I am and I try to have as much access to that individual lifestyle as possible even though it's not always easy but I become a whole different person you have all of these different individuals that you are and sounds really scary it sounds like people have multiple people probably do maybe i'm crazy i think people probably have a little bit of that. I think you know it's just the way it is I just see it that way I think maybe being a little bit overly type a I tend to be I tend to go over the top”

 

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Interview #7

Mixed Media on Canvas

2015

“What do you believe your identity is?”


“Thats a tough one because because I think often it gets projected back onto what other people think you are and then you have to hold that title so thats something I struggle with. For me I struggle with a deep embedded shame and I feel like the beginning of my life I was born a wrong person and I feel like i'm trying to project that I am a good person and hoping that nobody will find that I'm not that good. so its a cluster of labels.”

 

Interview #8

Mixed Media on Wood

2015

“The last question is what roles do you think you play in your life?”


“I think I put myself into the role of being loud or dramatic even though that's not necessarily me to an extent it's just cause I don't know who I am If that makes sense. It falls on you so you just keep in that role.”

 

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Interview # 9

Mixed Media on Canvas

2015

“How do you see yourself ?”

“How do I see myself?”

“I think  I am an average nice person I make friends easy I love my grandchildren especially I. C and C give me trouble though.”

“With all of the things you have seen in your life and you’ve done in your life.”

“Ive seen a lot of things in my life i'm 95 years old. I went through WWII had a baby who is 73 years old now. I had a daughter 5 years after he came back and then we had C. I lived with my parents we moved to Rochester Im originally from mankato we moved to rochester because my husband had a job over here and weve stayed here ever since.”

“So living through WWII and you know doing all of those things how does that make how did that change you?”

“It made me much more appreciative of what I have today. I never had a lot well nobody did money was very tight but I had nice parents and lived with them they always made me feel welcome and I think that… I appreciate anything I have now probably more if I hadn't gone through those things I enjoy life I have nice friends that I have coffee with every week. Stubborn I think so….my grandchildren made me stubborn.”

 

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Interview #10

Mixed Media on Wood

2015

“How do you think the world sees you?”

“I think people see me as blunt and honest I think my friends think i’m nice some people probably think i'm a bitch.”

“Because your blunt?”

“Yea because i'm blunt.  I dont beat around the bush about anything i'm really honest its hard for me i'm not passive aggressive at all and I dont know how to sugar coat things some people respond well to that and other people do not like that at all. I think people think i'm really sweet until I open my mouth.”

 

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Interview #11

Mixed Media on Canvas

2015

“How do you think the world sees you?”

“Oh my god what are you trying to do here!”

“I know it's a big thing...this thing about identity, and by the world I mean your family,

friends co-workers, and peers.”

“ohh I think they see me as ahhh….its an embarrassing question. I feel embarrassed . I guess I'm relatively trustworthy, sort of retescent or hang back or sort of I don't suppose i'm out there banging a drum i'm probably more of a person that is hanging back or something. Lets see I guess people probably see me as fairly creative or maybe i do think am a little out of the box unexpected at times go against the grain from time to time. It just depends and probably trying do things and do them all perfect because I think women are like that. upper middle class women are expected to do everything perfect because have all the right tools its enough to make you crazy.”

“Im curious as to why that made you feel embarassed?”

“Oh I don't know just self disclosure makes you feel exposed in my opinion.”

 

Interview # 12

Mixed Media on Wood

2015

“My last question is as women we play various roles what types of roles do you feel you play in your life?”

“I’m sensual woman with a very hearty sexual appetite I think for a while people labeled me a nymphomaniac and i'm not a sex addict it's not that crazy at all it's just a part of who i am and a wonderful thing in my intimate relationships to have that I do consider myself a sensual sexual being as a part of my identity to be connected to that in my womaness.”